I don’t know about you, but during big events of my life I often spend a great deal of time in thought. Things like the end of another year or a birthday force me to realize that another year has passed and to give some honest and critical reflection on how I did through the course of that year. Very rarely have I looked back and felt like I accomplished all I meant to.
However, that kind of reflection helps keep me moving forward rather than becoming stagnant. How did I perform as an employee, friend, father, and husband over the past year? Have I improved or am I still doing some of the same dumb things I did before? Often the answer to that question is yes. Sometimes, though, I can see how a positive change has benefitted me.
The same sort of situation faces me now. My wife will be giving birth to our third child in a matter of days. Adding a member to your family is certainly cause for reflection. Like most parents, I want to give my children the best opportunity to succeed. I want them to grow up to be people of faith and conviction. I want them to be well educated and supported in their endeavors. I want them to be loving and caring people who give selflessly of themselves and are compassionate toward others. I want them to be persistent and hard-working, understanding and forgiving. I want them to always push themselves to be better. None of these are uncommon wants for our children. Whether your child is a newborn or an adult you likely want those same kinds of things for them.
But it is not enough to want them. Developing all those traits require something of you. They require your time, focus, energy, teaching, and setting an example. It does not take long to learn that your child learns from you whatever you demonstrate to them. Who else has had the conversation where you scold your child for saying something only to be met with, “But you say that!”
It is a humbling thing to realize that your idea of what your child could and should be outshines what you are yourself. But helping to mold them into the person you have the hopes they can be requires being intentional. It doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it means doing things they don’t like. Or it could mean doing something we don’t like.
One area I don’t like is budgeting. If I had to choose a way to fly it would be by the seat of my pants. I am the person on a vacation who says “let’s just figure it out as we go.” Some of you, smarter and better organized people, would be horrified by this. You make lists and plans and operate based on them. You keep your calendar updated and checkbook balanced and everything is organized and easy to keep track of. Like I said, smart people.
This is a real struggle for me. But I don’t want it to be one for my kids. The old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” doesn’t really work. If I want my children to be better off than myself, I probably owe it to them and to myself to get better. That means more diligently tracking my spending. It means planning better. It means living out a good, financially healthy lifestyle. Not just because that makes the most sense to do. In fact, I, like many, do plenty of things that don’t make that much sense. Do you know what the nutritional benefit of a donut is? I don’t think there is any, but I still love them!
We don’t always do things that make sense, and sometimes that is okay. But sometimes it is about doing things that are better for us, because they also set an example for those in our lives who need to learn to do better. You cannot make decisions for your children forever. They will grow up and make their own stupid mistakes. You will pull your hair out and be frustrated with them for not learning from your mistakes. And for not listening to your advice. But what right do you have to get upset at them for making the same mistakes you repeatedly make? Do yourself and your family a favor and decide that you are willing to make a change. If not for your own benefit, for theirs. That way in three months when this year is coming to a close, you can sit by the fire and smile, knowing you are a little bit better than last year.